It rained steady here during most of last night. That usually allows me to sleep in a little longer, but today I was awakened by Martha screaming “Tom, come here quick!” I bolted out of bed, (head rush) pulled on some pants and found Martha at her pond with a mini snow shovel blocking the entrance to the pond skimmer box.

For the last two weeks she has been having a problem with this persistent muskrat that attacks her pond plants and fish during the night. She managed to whack him with a shovel once but of course she just wanted to scare him away. Needless to say the muskrat was more hungry than scared by that skirmish and stuck around. We agreed that next encounter, no playing nice guy, this rat has to go!

Fast forward to this morning and here is Martha, bless her heart, all hopped up big time on adrenalin holding a children’s sized red plastic snow shovel over the skimmer flap. I grab a butcher knife from the block and a pair of gloves from the garage. I lift the lid off the skimmer and… nothing.

Martha said “I was just away for a second when I called up for you, but I’m sure he’s still in there. Reach down in there Tom and pull out the filters.”

Ah, I don’t think so. I passed the knife off to Martha, grabbed a rake and hooked out the filter. I swirled the rake around in the murky water and I see Martha subconsciously hacking at the air with her butcher knife saying “I know he’s still in there” Sure enough a few bubbles surface, then up pops this head and long slick tail. “Hold him Tom, and I’ll get that sucker”, Martha said. By now she’s waving the knife back and forth and trying to reach around me and stab him. I snatched him out of the water by the tail and his gnashing teeth manage to bite me through the glove, I jerked, and the muskrat goes flying high up in the air and lands on one of the deck chairs.

The muskrat hits the deck running and Lizzy Borden pounces on him with a flurry of death chops. “OK Martha, you got him” but she continues hacking until all movement has long ceased. I pull her off and by now she’s shaking and proudly says “I got him Tom“. I make a permanent mental note to never piss off Martha again.
Final score:
Martha 1,
Tom 0,
Muskrat DNF.